you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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