My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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