she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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