You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
