hell yes lets make some ravioli
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
