You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
