I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
