so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
