wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
