I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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