So drunk its hurt
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
