im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
