Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
