I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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