Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
