My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
