I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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