How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
