Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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