My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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