yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
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it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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