It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
