there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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