My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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