I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize