the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
