How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
