Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
