i don't like sucking hair
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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