I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
