NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
