some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
