At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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