when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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