You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize