Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
