There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
