...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
