It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
