just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize