We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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