Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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