Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
ttyl tear gas
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
