He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
