Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I need a burrito and a hug.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Randomize
