There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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