We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
