Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
