he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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