SEEEEXXX PLEASE
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
