you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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