I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
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scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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