how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
