yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
