so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
