i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
