Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
