I hate your face
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
