Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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