Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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