Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Randomize
