i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
