Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
