How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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