i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
