For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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